As I recounted in Part I of this series, I came to the conclusion last fall that the after school program my son was attending was not suitable for him, and probably not for any child who was imperfect in any way. It certainly was not suitable for a child with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Lawrence was not happy there, and I was concerned about what the impact of the constant reprimands and punishments would be. I felt that if Lawrence was always seen as the bad kid he might eventually decide that it wasn't worth even trying to behave.
In addition, the lack of a clear disciplinary process and escalation of issues seemed very unprofessional. I felt that the people running the program were well-meaning, but ill-equipped to handle even minor conflicts. And with ADHD, even if the child is taking medication, you're always going to have a certain number of conflicts.
I turned to an afterschool program we had investigated the year before, the Jewish Community Center of Berkeley. I had read great reviews of the JCC on Berkeley Parents List (which boasts lots of good advice, even if you don't live in the area). We set up a visit immediately, and I was favorably impressed. Not only were there several rooms for the kids (unlike one small room at his current afterschool program) and a large outside area, but the children were able to take classes like cooking, theater, art, dance and even a circus arts class (held at an outside location). This was a definite plus, as children with ADHD need novelty and intellectual stimulation. We enrolled Lawrence at the JCC, and he settled in happily.
One afternoon when I came to pick Lawrence up, about six weeks after he started at JCC, the afterschool program director, Joey, asked to talk to me in his office. I had the ADHD parent's knee-jerk reaction, "What has he done now?" Joey assured me that no big problems had happened, but that he wanted my help in dealing with Lawrence's disruptiveness, especially when Joey was taking attendance, and during the Shabbat service.
I explained that Lawrence's ADHD made it very difficult for him to sit still and be quiet for longer than a couple of minutes. "I have ADHD, and I can assure you that he's not being intentionally disruptive or rude - he's just dealing with more ‘ants in the pants' than a lot of other kids, and it takes more control for him to stay quiet and still." I added that Lawrence really wanted to be helpful and liked Joey a lot.
I explained a little bit more about ADHD and what challenges Lawrence faced with it, such as impulsivity and social awkwardness. Joey listened intently, and when I was done said, "Okay, good. I understand better now what he's dealing with."
Joey brought Lawrence in, and both of us explained to him what we had been discussing. Joey impressed on Lawrence that he would be helping Joey a lot if he could keep the fidgeting and talking out under control while attendance was being taken. "I need you on my team, Lawrence," he said, "helping me to get things done." Joey came up with the idea of reminding Lawrence what he was supposed to be doing, in a way that wouldn't embarrass him. He would say, "Lawrence, you on my team?" if Lawrence was acting out.
